Frontalot Fall 2010 Tour Diary: Day 16, Pittsburgh

I would like to begin today’s entry with the sad story of Tycho Brahe: astronomer, Danish nobleman, and victim of the rare but fatal bladderus overfillus syndrome.  Both a heavy drinker and a man of impeccable etiquette, Tycho found himself in a deadlock of ethics and urges while at a banquet in Prague.  The attendees were of such high social status that Tycho deemed it declasse to leave the table prior to the end of the engagement.  There was also an effectively endless supply of wine and spirits, which he could not help but consume at a rapid pace.  Unwilling to relieve himself yet unable to stop drinking, the poor man swelled up until he burst like a water balloon after the Earl of Sandwich prodded him with a fork.  The moral of the story?  Carpe mentula.  When absolutely necessary.

I relate this to you because it was related to me in the van yesterday after I informed Front that my bladder was calling to me, at which point I was admonished for not going when we were at a rest stop some ten minutes prior.  That is, perhaps, too much information.  Things you would actually like to know about probably include why Front purchased a children’s meal from Burger King at the next rest stop.  I’ll tell you why: he’s a masochist.  Aside from the stigma of failing to arrive at adulthood, as indicated by the tiny bag of sliced apples, it also included a large plastic replica of Metalbeak from that movie about owls.  Front claims to hates the film, yet now we carry with us evidence to the contrary.  The thing, like, creeps me out.  It watches me.

I opted to do the driving into Pittsburgh and we arrived right on time at the Rex.  A solemn gray rain splattered our clothes but failed to dampen our spirits as we loaded into the unexpectedly large venue.  The Rex is enormous and filled with and endless maze of nooks and crannies, which filled me with an urge to eat English muffins.  Instead, we soundchecked and proceeded to hang out in the green room, filling the long gap of time before playing with such activities as watching TV, failing to nap, eating dinner in awkward positions and falling into a state of decision paralysis over which tie to wear.  Which, by the way, will not be a problem for Brandon tonight, thanks to a special gift from a devoted fan.

There were four opening bands: Dr. Shadeballs, the perenially shirtless Moustache Required, talented freestylers Varsity Squad and cream cheese afficcianado Lord Grunge.  All performed admirably and helped prime the audience with anticipase for our set, which was longer than usual due to various grumblings on the interwebs about our recent set durations.  See?  We listen.  We even brought back “Charity Case” since we like to kick it old school.  There was a fair amount of singing and word-mouthing from the fans to the extent that I could actually hear harmonies over the din of my monitor.  Hooray for people who commit Front’s songs to memory!  That makes us feel extra special.  The coup de grace was the rose (and assorted petals) that were thrown to the stage before we finished.  Thank you, anonymous flower donor!

Due to the lack of budget accommodations in the greater Pittsburgh area, we headed up north and settled in at America’s Best Inn, which lived up to its name inasmuch as it was a) vacant and b) free of bugs.  This morning we dined at the iconic Eat’n'Park, leaving Front so impressed that he deemed it better than Denny’s.  Effusive praise, that.  Our drive to Cleveland was short and uneventful and ended at the Cafe at Arts Collinwood, where I now sit, writing this for you.  Fun fact: this cafe is home to the “Dum-Dum Shot” which consists of your choice of liqueur and candy pop, topped with any assortment of sodas and/or flavorings.  Every shot is different!  Brandon has already had one.  Me?  I’m staying clean and sober for our gig at The Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland tonight.  Get your tickets now! According to Metalbeak, it will be a “hoot.”

Why is this plastic bird talking to me?